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I was surprised when my colleague from other unit congratulated me on Thursday noon. Then she told me that I was appointed as a 'leader' for a task. She just heard it in the meeting. I knew nothing about it nor received any appointment letter or email. Then, a customer came to ask me something and he told me that my other colleague told him that I am the one who responsible for his inquiry. That colleague later admitted via whatsapp that she heard a rumour about that post. I tried not to believe all these unless I received the appoint letter. And if did receive it I will try to reject it. Can I????

Later in the afternoon, the previous leader of that task sent whatsapp messages stating that she will hand over all the related documents for that task to me. I am not happy with all these when people know something about me that I totally clueless. After all I don't like that task because this sounds small task comes with big responsibility. And I felt INSULTED and HUMILIATED when the previous leader said that our HOD prefers the other candidate compared to me. Hmm..it seems that they have to choose me not because I qualified for that task but because of I joined the organization earlier than the other candidate. Does not matter right? Senior or junior...more experience or not. If all of you prefer that candidate by all means appoint her.

She even highlighted that the deputy HOD does not like me. Yes I know that I am not in good term with that deputy since last year. But I don't understand why she reminds me of that. She said that I can reject the post if I don't want it. Yeah...like it can be easily done. WHAT ABOUT MY REPUTATION? WHAT ABOUT the reminder from the top management about never object my boss instruction? Being calculative on work is a BIG NO NO. The way she repeated that for several times seems that she encourage me to do so. Why? You cannot believe that I have been chosen??? To make matter worst she even said that the other candidate is more eligible compared to me since I often come late to the office. So my dear if you know right from the start that I am not a suitable for the post why did you suggested me as one of your replacement to the management? COME ON. Let the management find and decide who the suitable replacement is without your interference. Once the management decided to chose me why did you tell me about all these?

Why did you do all these???? To make me feel BAD????? I should hold you solely responsible for all these chaotic feeling...You are the one who resign from that post and they have to find the replacement. You are the one who kept on saying to me that the other candidate is suitable as your replacement. And I did notice that is kinda like a test to see my respond. Not even once you mention my name. Owh no, you did. You asked me that insulted question " Ke you nak? Like seriously? Do you think I desperately want that post??? Then out of sudden you told me that you have suggested the other candidate and ME as your replacement to the management. The next thing you mentioned that I am not the preferred candidate and not to forget the unsuitable one.

Now, I am totally UPSET !!!!!! Can I do something that I do not like while thinking that I am only the second choice and not the preferred candidate?

Update  3 Nov:
The previous leader asked me whether I have received the appointment letter or not. I have not checked my pigeon hole yet and hoping that the post is not for me. Suddenly she uttered that she hope that my wish is granted. Hmm... now only you feel guilty for resign from that post and I have to be your replacement...not for suggesting my name????

Update 12pm:
I peeked through the small opening of the pigeon hole. Hmm...Not a surprise news anymore  :(((((. So the letter just stay there for a while. I don't want it to worsen my already unstable mind.

update 4 nov:
I arrived at the office around 10.40am this morning and came across the deputy HOD. Surprise surprise my so called enemy congratulated me with a big smile. I don't know why but I acted like I puzzled and uttered "la ye ke". She said that she received the copy of the appointment letter and wonder whether I have received it or not. Once a liar always a liar...I said I haven't check my pigeon hole yet....oppps. The most tricky one when she doubted that I knew nothing at all. This time I told the truth that I did heard from certain people ( but I chose not to believe it). The most unexpected thing when she said THE MANAGEMENT TRUST YOU. Oh God these words make me in difficult situation. To ACCEPT or NOT. But it is not an OFFER letter it is an APPOINTMENT letter.