Now I know

I want to go
But I can't

When my team decision not into my favor
I make effort to ask another teams from tuesday to wednesday
They have their own excuses
Even though I was upset and dissapointed
I can accept it

This morning I thought of something
So I asked the first team
At least I have no regret for not trying
Again another excuses
If people really care about someone else
Definitely they will make effort
Definitely I was upset again....
It really hurt...
Yes they said they feel unease about it
And will confirm if there is any availability
But definitely I do not want to burden others just for my own sake
After all I got my own dignity
Tak maulah terhegeh-hegeh bila orang mmg tak sudi ...

So I have made the decision
Whatever it is
If there is a chance to go
I won't go...
Because I do not want to get hurt again

My team member felt guilty about what had happened
I think I am ok about it since I can accept the situation this afternoon
Suddenly the second team contacted me
Now they have availability
But I have made the decision not to go
I should stand with it
After all it is far away
And I do not want to jeopardize my love one.
If I know this earlier while I am really looking forward to join them,
Definitely I will think about it....

Think positively...
There must be something ....
Why it is hard for me to join any team
May be Allah wants to protect me

However later something made me wonder...
Why certain of my friends seemed not comfortable when I asked them which team they belong to
Hmm...not a surprise...
Yup...they are in the first team

NOW I KNOW
WHO IS MY TRUE FRIEND
WHO REALLY WANTS ME TO JOIN THEM
WHO WANTS TO SHARE THE JOY WITH ME
YUP...NO ONE
NO ONE CARE OR BOTHER ABOUT ME
I JUST HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF