Thursday, July 28, 2011

Ketinggalan keretapi dan ditinggal kawan

Aku godek2 dalam tab edit posts aku jumpa entri ni....Hehehe..kejadian on 11/06/2011.....

My friends asked me whether I am angry with them for leaving me at the train station last saturday.
Am I angry? What kind of question is that?

This is a really long entry. I just wanna express my feeling.

Definitely I was upset because I missed the train and my friend left me, even though we planned to go together. I was more upset because they didn’t even tell me that we have to wait at the other platform. I cancel my plan to go to Paddy’s market because Miss S. But it didn’t really matter because I want to see the sale too. Moreover, I never been to Bondi Junction before. Just imagine if you were me. The bus came late. You are so worried that you could miss the train. Once you got down from the bus, you ran till you miss you breath to the train station only to find no one standing at the usual platform. And when you call your friend, your friend told you that she’s already in the train at the other platform and asking whether you have bought a ticket or not. What do you feel at that time? Your friend didn’t tell you about the platform changing, your friend didn’t wait for you and your friend didn’t even buy the ticket for your knowing that you are already late. So, dengan kepala yang serabut you bought a ticket and running like mad to another platform and only to find that you missed the train for just a few second and your friend nowhere to be seen at the train station. How would you feel at that time? I was actually prepare that I might miss the train but I didn’t really prepare that my friend might leave me. I can’t help thinking that I may catch the train if my friend have the courtesy to tell me about the platform changing and also help me in buying the ticket first. How would you feel if your friend just called you asking whether you managed to catch the train or not and just say “nanti jumpa kat sana” without any sound of regret or guilty for leaving you behind.

I still couldn’t believe that my friend have heart for leaving me behind. And I just realised that this was not the first time it ever happen. Previously, Miss S and Miss A also left me behind at Sydney airport even though I said that my leg is in pain. Miss S also didn't wait for me at Gold Coast airport. Actually they were three of them for this recent case, Miss S, Miss A and Miss L. No one even border to wait for me or at least thinking to wait for me. Thing happens for a reason. Actually, in my haste to buy a ticket I bought the ticket to Sydney and not to Bondi. So, if I did manage to catch the train I may have a problem at the Bondi gate due to wrong ticket even though the fare is the same. Luckily I managed to changed the ticket even though the counter lady seems annoyed and asked me to read the sign of checking the printed destination before leaving the counter.

When I already on the train, I still upset and do not want to answer my friend’s call. I just switched off my hp. After all, the battery was at one bar only.
I urged myself to atleast read one article. Actually I brought 3 articles to read in the train. When I arrived at Bondi station, they were not around. I didn’t know where to go but I just followed the sign to the mall. But, what mall? Luckily the previous night I have browse the internet searching for Bondi Junction. I thought Bondi Junction Mall but actually it is called Westfield. So, when I walked to the exit, I just asked the security guard the Westfield location. I couldn’t help smiling and kinda embarrassed when he pointed it just outside the train station. So, I just wandering alone in the mall and prefer not to call my friends. Of course I wouldn’t dare to enter these outlets.

I was just have a guts to enter Coach outlet. Luckily the sale assistants gave good services regardless of my simple . Coach are having 50% off for clearance sale. Unfortunately, I can't afford it. Only after one hour later my friend called me and asking of my whereabout and telling that they are buying food for lunch. So, I just went to meet them thinking that I shouldn’t be upset anymore. It just the trip to Bondi, not to Amazon. After all I safely arrived in one piece. Things happened, so I just have to accept that. However, I became angry when I meet them. Once again not because they left me but because they didn’t even say sorry for doing so. Miss S just smiled and say nothing when I said to her that she has heart for leaving me. It seems nothing ever happened. They didn’t even feel guilty for leaving me behind. To see Miss A there even made me more annoy. I didn’t know she is coming. I was kinda furious with her at the previous night because she kinda persuade me to do something for her own sake even though I have already told her I will do it on July. At first I thought I wanna buy the same food as theirs, but I just lost my appetite and said to them I prefer Oporto. They told me it is at another level. So, I just left them and went to find Oporto. But, I couldn’t find it so I just went to Myer handbag section instead. Miss C called me and said that they are already at Oporto and I am not around. She also asked me “akak marah ke?” and later she sent me this message “Akak mrh ke? Sy minta maaf ye akak sbb tinggalkan akak td”. She just apologising when she thought I was angry. By that time the damage has already been done. I am too upset and furious to reply her message and meet them again. It is better if I just walking alone. So, I went to the information counter to get the map. One hour later Miss N called me and asked “You marah ke?” and I just told her I’m having my lunch and I couldn’t talk much because my hp battery getting weaker. This leaving friend behind and apologising may seem small matter to someone but not for me. All this while I have been complaining to Miss S and Miss L about about Miss A behaviour for not apologising for posting my photos in FB etc. I thought they know how I am like and they would never do so to me. Now I know I was wrong.

I continued my window shopping after finishing my chips and marking the outlet that I wanna go-ninewest, pumpkin patch, crocs, Cotton on etc. Luckily I remember I still has not perform my zuhur prayer. I have no idea where to pray. At first I just went inside the parents room. There are 3 cubicles covering by curtains. But I was not comfortable in there providing that I feel guilty if I hear the baby screaming hungrily due to fully occupied cubicles. So, dengan serba salah I left the cubicles and can’t help noticing the curious face from the Indian couple. Then, I just sat at the nearby seat thinking where should I pray. Suddenly it just cross my mind how about the fitting room. So, I went again to Myer and of course I should select few clothes first before entering the fitting room. Don’t laugh if I tell you I chose Guess top and Marc blouse.And finally Alhamdulillah I performed by prayer. When I got outside the room I saw my friends. I didn’t think they saw me. So, I quickly went to another section and hurriedly left Myer.

Then, I received message from Miss S “Akak kat mana? Sy try call akak x dpt. Kita jmpa akak kat train stsn. Amik train balik pkl 3”. For me no point of joining them shopping and going back together since we didn’t came together. I didn’t want to spoil my already spoilt mood. In fact I didn’t want them wasting time and feeling bored waiting for me at the outlet that they have been inside earlier. Moreover, sometimes we have difference interest in shopping. In fact there are still several outlet that I haven’t find yet. Moreover, while at the train station I have checked the train schedule and opted to catch the 3.43pm train.

When I was on the train home, Miss S send me another message again “Akak dh sampai rmh? Akak jgnlah mrh lagi. Sy mnta maaf sgt2. Sedihlah kalu akak xnak kwn dgn sy lagi”. It made me cry and feel regret and guilty for making her sad. But at the same time my darker side felt that she didn’t really meant what she said that because she actually need something from me. The same thing of what Miss A wants from me. Or else she didn’t bother to keep on contacting me. So I just ingnored her messages.

When I arrived home, she called me and again I just ignored it. Then I got offline messages from Miss N "Saya minta maaf sgt kalau tadi ada tersilap ckp ...sebetulnya tadi, kami naik bus sama dr uni tp saya kemudian berhenti d city utk ambil duit di sbb nak bayar hutang Miss A jadi masa saya call tu,yg you dlm bas, saya ingat nak tanya psl nak beli tiket berhenti d mana. saya beli tiket d Mesin tempat naik train tu tadi. masa tu Miss S dan A sudah ada dlm train . masa tu tak langsung terfikir tunggu you dan kita pergi sekali.masa tu tgh stress dan fikiran asyik tertumpu nak kejar train tapi tak tau nak guna mesin tu utk beli tiket saya kemudian minta tolong penjaga train tu kot beli tiket.lepas saya naik, train pun jalan...saya minta ya F ...da la tak tunggu u tadi kemudian mgkin tersilap ckp apa yg tak patut pula."

Miss S also sent me an email “
akak dh smpai rmh? byk kali saya call n msg tp akak x jawab. akak jgnlh mrh lagi. sorry sgt2 sbb tadi”. Then I went downstairs watching Sister Act 2. When I came back to my room I got miscalled from Miss S. Then my hp just off itself.

I know I should control myself and I shouldn’t behave childishly and emotionally, holding a grunge and being ego. Of course I kinda regret for what has happened but I can’t turn back now. What happened is happened. Definitely I really upset, frustrated and disappointed with them. I didn’t answer their call or messages because I don’t want to say something wrong in my upset condition which I didn’t really mean to that could make matter worst, I am really sad reading their message, my hp battery is low and I didn’t hear it. But even though they have apologized, I still don’t know what I want from them anymore. I know whatever I write here reflect who I am. Maybe I just similar to my friend or even worse than them :(. Ya Allah, please let me forgive my friends and they forgive me too.

Tu cerita dah lama kan hehehe..Kalau tak silap, MIss S ada gak call beberapa kali. aku pulak rasa bersalah coz behaved childishly hehhee..sulking tak tentu pasal. Aku pun rasa nak contact depa, rindu pun ada hahahah. Tapi ego tetap ada...After 3 days, Miss S call lagi, so aku angkat bermula la sesi mintak maaf dan meluahkan perasaan...I cakap je apa yang tak puas hati. Tapi nak tegelak jugak bila dia cakap, lepas tengok I macam bengang depa pun risaukan I, cuba cari I dan tak pi shopping sangat. Padhal aku nampak depa kat lingerie section in MYer and nampak ok je hahaha...Tapi ada sakit hati bila khabarnya Miss A, siap salahkan aku coz kononnya dah tau bas lambat, awatlah tunggu bas jugak. hello..manalah tau nak jadi camtu, manalah I tau platform bertukar....In fact while Miss S yang dah sampai dirumah, kerisauan whether I safely arrive at home or not, Miss A buat tak tau je....Whatever it is I mintak maaf jugak dgn Miss S, coz menyusahkan dia, merisaukan dia and merajuk tak tentu pasal. I'm also send a msg to Miss L mintak maaf jugak. Tapi dia biasalah seribu satu alasan, before admit her mistake.....Miss A pun lansung tak contact I...I think almost 1 month......

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